Disappointment

There's almost nothing worse. There's a sadness in it, along with a feeling of powerlessness. We identify something we want in our lives, often something worthy and laudable, and we pursue it. We study, consult, and prepare ourselves. We feel that the ground is ready and that we have done the work to deserve a particular outcome. So what happens when we don't get what we want?

The Rolling Stones clause ("You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need") rings a little empty in these moments. No one wants to believe that trying really hard will not insure that we will get what we want. Unfortunately, though, that is often the way it works. So how do we combat these feelings of diappointment? Or, maybe more usefully, how do we open to disappointment and use what it has to teach us?

1.) I gave the first one away. Open, accept, and try not to fight. Allowing ourselves to feel the sadness, anger, and powerlessness of disappointment will make us more compassionate people, both with ourselves and others. Nothing is out of bounds here. You can use all of the emotions that arise. All of them have something valuable to tell you.

2.) Recognize, albeit gently, that disappointment is a byproduct of our attachment to outcomes. When we do a only because we want b to happen, we're going to suffer if b doesn't come to pass. Disappointment is a bell that wakes us up after we've stepped a little to the right or left of our paths. It gives us the opportunity to refocus on the process and to practice a little more.

3.) DON'T GIVE UP, even if you decide that you need to change course or abandon a particular desire. Getting what we need (instead of what we want) is a tremendous gift, too, and accepting that gift graciously prepares us to receive and enjoy our deepest heart's desire.