This morning, as I was driving to work, I started thinking about a song that Kermit the Frog used to sing on The Muppets. I'm not sure of the name of it, but there is a line in it that goes something like, "It doesn't matter if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.....sing, sing a song." It made me think about how often I censor myself, feeling as if what I have to say is somehow wrong or inappropriate or unwelcome or uncool. So much of the time, I only give voice to what I think is going to be met in a positive way. How much energy do I invest in vetting my words for their anticipated popularity, and how does that undermine my desire for authenticity?
The answer to #1 is a lot. The answer to #2 is a little more complicated. I think it's fair to say that my desire for validation is an authentic part of who I am. That desire has made me into a person who is often skillful with her words and actions, who is empathic and can anticipate and respond to needs quickly and efficiently. But when I don't put words to a doubt or a criticism or even an observation, just because I am afraid of someone's response to it, my desire for validation is overtaking a number of other important priorities, like a weed choking out the flowers in my garden. My agency as a human and my right to take up space are just as important as having someone tell me I'm right or funny or observant or sooo cool.
What's wrong with my voice anyway?
The answer to #3 is nothing, even when what I have to say may be critical or even wrong.
So, today, I'm going to try to sing my song. Will you?
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